In my prior post I wrote about how stuttering has affected my life. I discussed it in my stuttering therapy class and after it was over, I crushed that paper it into a tidy ball and threw it away. It was symbolic of letting go of that past and creating a new future, to give me what I want.
Since coming to the speech therapy class I have learned a great deal about myself and how I am perceived in the eyes of others. That was always important to me. I would rise and fall with every look, smirk, furrowed brow, etc. I had speech therapy classes in the past but for the most part that was dealing with the physical; the breathing, the air flow technique, etc. Now, I am forced to deal with the psychological that, for me, is unchartered territory. I am learning to tear away the layers from years of embarrassment and shame and finding I have nothing to apologize for. This is who I am.
So now begins my life of creating the outcome I want to see. I am not predicting one hundred percent control because there will be times in which I will lapse into the old me because I have years of comfort there and it has always been a safe haven. But I feel that allowing myself the freedom to listen and heed that inner voice would be good in the long run. I know that I will stutter for the rest of my life but that does not have to be a bad outcome. This is who I am.