This I Know

I know at some point during the day I will want to say something and will not be able to make the first word come out. For me, the first word is always the problem. Sometimes it's Mount Everest and others it's flat as a pancake. The problem is that I never know whether I will need climbing gear or flip flops.

If sentences did not have to begin with a first word my life would be much easier. (I can't believe I just said that and really can believe I just wrote that. Anyway, you get what I'm saying ). Words that begin with a vowel or consonant, especially as the first word, are always an adventure. Other than that, its fine.

In a previous post I wrote that I have an extensive vocabulary. This comes out of necessity because I can sense in a instant if I will have to jettison my planned word for something from the archives. If that first word goes smoothly, then I'm off to the races. If not, I will mentally search for a word that is less demanding and pray that it has the same meaning as the one I have thrown by the wayside.

In my quest for fluency one of the most confounding things is the ability to say one word and just five seconds later that same word will not leave my lips. It's as if the word can sense something bad will happen once it hits the atmosphere and does not want to leave the nest. Try as I might to coax it, that "p' sound will not allow my lips to ever part. Just then, I am saved by the synonym dictionary and no one is the wiser; except now for you, so we never had this conversation.

Sometimes the substitute word does not come either forcing me to vamp with a series of "ums" and "ahs" until I can find the right word which may, at this time, be three or four deep. Just imagine the conversation between the speech center of my brain and my mouth:

Brain: I'm sending a new word down to you.

Mouth: Sorry, I don't like it already.

Brain: But you don't even know what it is!

Mouth: Hey!, the lip muscles are not cooperating and I'm not going to force something on them. I need something with a softer first sound.

Brain: Searching, searching . . . aha, here it is.

Mouth: Okay, let me tell the "ums" and "ahs" they can leave and you word will go through.

That is the very simplistic view of what goes on but the reality is not far behind. So what is the takeaway (again, I love that word) ? I love words but sometimes they don't love me, then they love me again.

Go figure.