I Do Not Stutter When I Sleep

Creigh Deeds has a problem. He is running for governor of Virginia. But that is not what I’m talking about. His problem is that he stutters. Not only does he stutter but it seems he is reliving the taunts he probably received as a child. Those taunts came from children but now they are coming from adults.


Sheila Johnson, co-founder of Black Entertainment Television (and someone who should know better), mimicked Deeds while at a fundraiser for Deeds’ opponent Bob McDonnell. I’ll save you her quote (it’s all over YouTube) but suffice it to say it was very childish.


I am sure there are times that Mr. Deeds does not stutter. Being a person who stutters I can say that we do not stutter all the time. Aside from when I am sleeping here are a few others:


I do not stutter when I sing

When I was a child I remember that the way in which I could get around stuttering was by singing. Since speech and singing are controlled by different brain functions this is not unusual. My mother had a stroke a few years before she passed away and, although she could no longer speak, she could still sing those hymns she so dearly loved.When I think about those days there was nothing that I would not try in order to stop from stuttering. I tried talking really slow and that only made me sound like I was, well, slow. Another trick was to stomp my foot in order to bogart the words out of my mouth. That worked fine but it also drove the downstairs neighbors crazy. So only within the confines of my house would I sing to my mother when I wanted to say something. This grew old very quickly. I think every mother thinks their kids can do everything exceptionally well, especially sing. But I could see how requesting a glass of water, a cappella, could get under her skin especially when I couldn't carry a note in a bucket.


I do not stutter when I am alone

When I am alone I can carry on the greatest conversations. Never do I trip up on a word or have to resort to any of the things that have gotten me by all these years. It is so relaxing, but I don’t have to tell you that because most of you have no trouble speaking. And those who stutter can understand what I am talking about.It is a time in which I can say anything I want or inject myself into a conversation at any time. Normally, when in a group or speaking to someone individually, jumping into a conversation is something I would have to plan three days in advance. However, the prospect of speaking to an audience of none is not the way I want to spend my life. Besides, I don't want to end up in those places for people who talk to themselves and only to themselves.


I do not stutter when I write

Okay , that one was for comic relief.


I do not stutter when I dream

This one I’m not too sure about. In most of my dreams I am out of breath, and too tired to talk, because I am being chased by a three-story hairball or a talking lobster. I think there is a lot going on here that should be of more concern than stuttering.


I do not stutter when I yell

If everyone on the planet were hard of hearing this would be ideal. I could be real pissed off but no one would be the wiser. In addition, my booming voice would command the attention I so desperately crave. But, I could see this increasing the sales of throat lozenges and throat sprays and those physicians who practice in the ear, nose, and throat specialties would finally get the national exposure they deserve.

So, there are a few of the instances I do not have a problem speaking. There are probably more but Craigh and I will discuss and get back to you.